Ever feel like dating apps are more exhausting than exciting? If you're in the LGBTQ+ community, chances are you're nodding your head. Dating apps have become one of the most popular—and sometimes necessary—ways to meet people. With a history of systemic discrimination, harassment, and marginalization, many of us have been forced to find love in digital spaces because our safety in real life isn’t always guaranteed.

While some parts of the U.S. are progressing, it's important to remember that only 15 states currently offer full legal protections for LGBTQ+ individuals—covering housing, healthcare, and employment rights. That's just 30% of the country. So, it makes sense that many members of the LGBTQ+ community lean on dating apps to feel seen, connect with others, and find potential partners.

But digital dating isn’t without its pitfalls. If you’ve been burned by ghosters, scammers, or emotionally unavailable flakers, you’re not alone. The good news? You can avoid a lot of drama by learning how to spot the biggest red flags early.

Let’s get into it:

🚩 Red Flag #1: Lack of Clear Photos or Personal Information

"No face, no case."

A profile without clear photos or personal details screams: “I’m hiding something.” While it's totally valid to be cautious online, people looking for genuine connection should be willing to share a few clear face pics and a bit of basic info.

And yes, I’m looking at you, Grindr! While we know faceless torsos and anonymous profiles run rampant there, apps like Hinge, Tinder, and OkCupid are designed for more serious dating. If you're using these apps and someone doesn't have at least one decent face pic? Red flag.

👉 Want a bit more safety? Consider using premium app features that prevent screenshots and enhance privacy. Grindr’s paid version, for instance, offers this. (PS: Grindr is not my first pick if you're wanting to date more intentionally)

If someone avoids sharing pics or personal info after you’ve been chatting a while, ask yourself: Are they hiding their appearance, age, or relationship status? If they get evasive, keep it moving.

🚩 Red Flag #2: Inconsistent or Vague Communication

"Inconsistent messages = inconsistent interest."

Sporadic messaging, one-word replies, or vague answers? Huge red flag. Everyone gets busy, but if someone is truly interested, they’ll communicate that—clearly. Back when I was on the apps, if I had a hectic day coming up, I’d give a heads-up. Respectful communication isn't hard.

People show their interest by how they engage with you. If someone is only messaging once every few days, or you're always the one initiating, it's a sign they’re not invested—or they're hiding something.

Also, beware of anyone pushing for a meetup immediately or rushing the connection. It’s okay to be excited about someone new, but take your time. You deserve to feel safe and respected. I always recommend setting up a date within 48-72 hours of connecting with someone you're interested in, but that doesn't mean you got on the date in that timeline. The point is to show interest and commitment, therefore, having a future date set up is an action that aligns with the intention of dating more seriously. The important part is that you feel comfortable with the person before committing to a date. 

 Need help navigating boundaries while dating? Join the mailing list HERE by clicking and scrolling down to the bottom of the website. You’ll get real-world tips for modern dating delivered straight to your inbox. 

🚩 Red Flag #3: Requesting Money or Personal Information

"This one’s a no-brainer, but still needs to be said."

If someone asks for money, your address, your Social Security number, or tries to get you to click on sketchy links—block and report them immediately. Scammers target dating apps hard, especially those who are emotionally vulnerable or looking for connection.

If you haven’t watched "The Tinder Swindler" on Netflix yet, consider it your crash course in how scammers work.

Trust is important, but so is protecting yourself. Anyone who crosses that line is not worth your time.

...Ready to Stop Swiping and Start Connecting?

Dating apps can be a great tool to meet new people—but only if you know what to watch for. As someone who identifies as Gay or Bi, you're navigating dating in a world that hasn’t always prioritized your safety or emotional well-being.

That’s why I created "The Ultimate Guide to Dating for Gay & Bi Men" —an in-depth course designed for Gay and Bi men who are burnt out from the apps and craving something more meaningful. Take the first step toward dating with clarity, confidence, and zero tolerance for BS.

You deserve real love—not red flags. Let's get you there.

Looking for more dating and confidence tips? Check out this video:

Stay safe out there—and keep swiping smart.